Upside Your Head

Vote for a thong!

2009-07-22T13:21:00.000+02:00

Vote here: http://daythong.com/?p=877

Hooters Bikini Pageant

2006-08-30T15:41:00.000+02:00

Hooters presents The Hooters Swimsuit Pageant!

I'm there next year, guaranteed!

'Scuse me? Did you say something?

2006-08-30T13:05:00.000+02:00

Thought I heard a little something from this pic. Can you hear what she said?

From Vkini.com

More swimsuits

2006-08-30T12:02:00.000+02:00

Vanessa from More Swimsuits sent AM and I some awesome bikini's for the ladies for putting their link up on UYH!

They rock! The ladies love them! And in turn, they love us!

THANKS V!!!

How not to fix your environmental problems

2006-07-28T12:10:00.000+02:00

Just make up your mind already

2006-07-28T11:53:00.000+02:00

These fella's can't seem to decide which banner to go with. Fuck knows their current one is a shocker,

but they really just need to get on with it.

It's not that difficult really, think they're just dead keen on getting a banner as cool as ours. Ha! Keep dreaming!

Stacy Keibler in a bikini

2006-07-25T08:36:00.000+02:00

Okay, half a bikini.

Sounds like my weekend

2006-07-24T17:20:00.000+02:00

Even when she's scratching her arse, I love her

2006-07-24T17:09:00.000+02:00

I love her

2006-07-24T17:07:00.000+02:00

jimmmer's guide to bikini's - Lesson 2

2006-07-14T14:55:00.000+02:00

The micro bikini

Monogamy, pff

2006-07-12T16:09:00.000+02:00

I really think I love her

2006-07-10T08:54:00.000+02:00

Photobucket scanned these pics and deemed them uncool. (See previous post)

I beg to differ, but judge for yourself.

I think I love her

2006-07-10T08:51:00.000+02:00

jimmmer's guide to bikini's - Lesson 1

2006-07-06T15:22:00.000+02:00

The mini bikini:

On the day after the last day

2006-07-06T09:09:00.000+02:00

God created the orgasm, so women can moan even when they are perfectly happy and satisfied!

Thong of the day

2006-07-05T10:10:00.000+02:00

Pic stolen from Splattermail blog, and linked to Thongs Daily. Lovely.

Yes we're back!

2006-07-04T18:21:00.000+02:00

A thousand apologies, pardons and all that crap to all the readers out there that we just up'n'left.

As you all know AM and I travel a lot, this time it was to a land far far away, away from any internet connections, that part of it sucked big time. But we're back, and believe me, loving bikini's and Natalie Portman more than ever!

So sit back, relax, it's gonna be good meeting all of you, again!

Here's some pics of the locals from our travels:

We've come a long way

2006-07-04T18:10:00.000+02:00

From this:

To this:

I LOVE evolution!

WE'RE BACK!!!

2006-07-04T15:48:00.000+02:00

Bikini of the day

Ouch

2005-12-23T11:16:00.000+02:00

I got laid so hard last nite. Today, I hurt.

I love random shagging, you never know what you're gonna get. I think I want me some more of this one though!

Natalie Portman of the day

2005-12-18T17:38:00.000+02:00

Words cannot...

Bikini of the day

2005-11-23T23:25:00.000+02:00

Thanks so so so very much to robmcj for pointing us to this beaut! We here at UYH salute you sir.

Bikini of the day

2005-11-22T18:27:00.000+02:00

:)

2005-11-21T09:57:00.000+02:00

Knobbing a random chick...

2005-11-18T09:05:00.000+02:00

...can, nay, WILL come back to bite you in the ass.

Why can't they let it be? I bet Roximoon would lay-and-leave. I like her.

Once again I apologise for UYH's lack of posting. Making a living has unfortunately taken over writing pretty stories. Just know that no matter what mommy and daddy are going through, it's not your fault, and we love you all.

The world's shortest fairy tale

2005-10-30T17:44:00.000+02:00

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!" And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and farted whenever he wanted.

THE END

A beginner's guide to the South African language/culture

2005-10-27T09:16:00.000+02:00

A very hot lady friend that I met on my last travel to South Africa mailed this to me so that I'd be able to understand what everyone was saying on my next trip over. And trust me, I heard these a few times. Laurian, is this correct?

Braai
What is a braai? It is the first thing you will be invited to when you visit South Africa. A braai is a backyard barbecue and it will take place whatever the weather. So you will have to go even if it's raining like mad. At a braai you will be introduced to a substance known as mieliepap.

Ag
This one of the most useful South African words. Pronounced like the "ach" in the German "achtung", it can be used to start a reply when you are asked a tricky question, as in: "Ag, I don't know." Or a sense of resignation: "Ag OK, I'll have some more mieliepap then." It can stand alone too as a signal of irritation.

Donner
A rude word, it comes from the Afrikaans "donder" (thunder). Pronounced "dorner", it means "beat up." A team member in your rugby team can get donnered in a game, or your wife can donner you if you come back from a braai at three in the morning.

Eina
Widely used by all language groups, this word, derived from the Afrikaans, means "ouch." Pronounced "aynah". You can say it in sympathy when you see your friend the day after he got donnered by his wife.

Hey
Often used at the end of a sentence to emphasize the importance of what has just been said, as in "You're only going to get donnered if you come in late again, hey?" It can also stand alone as a question. Instead of saying "excuse me?" or "pardon me?" when you have not heard something directed at you, you can always say: "Hey?"

Izit?
This is another great word to use in conversations. Derived from the two words "is" and "it", it can be used when you have nothing to contribute if someone tells you something at a braai. For instance, if someone would say: "The Russians will succeed in their bid for capitalism once they adopt a work ethic and respect for private ownership." It is quite appropriate to respond by saying: "Izit?"

Jawelnofine
This is another conversation fallback. Derived from the four words: "yes", "well", "no" and fine", it roughly means "OK". If your bank manager tells you your account is overdrawn, you can, with confidence, say: "Jawelnofine."

Klap
Pronounced "klup" - an Afrikaans word meaning smack, whack or spank. If you spend too much time in front of the TV during exam time, you could end up getting a "klap" from your mother. In America, that is called child abuse. In South Africa, it is called promoting education. But to get "lekker geklap" is to get motherlessly drunk.

Lekker
An Afrikaans word meaning nice, this word is used by all language groups to express approval. If you enjoyed a braai thoroughly, you can say: "Now that was lekk-errrrrrr!" while drawing out the last syllable.

Tackies
These are sneakers or running shoes. The word is also used to describe automobile or truck tyres. "Fat tackies" are really wide tyres, as in: "You've got lekker fat tackies on your Vôlla, hey?"

Dop
This word has two basic meanings, one good and one bad. First the good: A dop is a drink, a cocktail, a sundowner, a noggin. When invited for a dop, be careful! It could be one sedate drink or a blast, depending on the company. Now the bad: To dop is to fail. If you "dopped" standard two (Grade 4) more than once, you probably won't be reading this.

Saamie
This is a sandwich. For generations, school- children have traded "saamies" during lunch breaks. In South Africa you don't send your kid to school with liver-polony saamies. They are impossible to trade.

Bakkie
This word is pronounced "bucky" and can refer to a small truck or pick-up. If a young man takes his "girl" (date) in a bakkie it could be considered as a not so "lekker" form of transport because the seats can't recline.

Howzit
This is a universal South African greeting, and you will hear this word throughout the country. It is often accompanied with the word "Yes!" as in: "Yes, howzit?". In which case you answer "No, fine."

Now now
In much of the outside world, this is a comforting phrase: "Now now, it's really not so bad." But in South Africa, this phrase is used in the following manner: "Just wait, I'll be there now now." It means "a little after now".

Tune grief
To be tuned grief is to be aggravated, harassed. For example, if you argue with somebody about a rugby game at a braai and the person had too much dop (is a little "geklap"), he might easily get aggravated and say.: "You're tuning me grief, hey!". To continue the argument after this could be unwise and result in major tuning of grief.

Boet
This is an Afrikaans word meaning "brother" which is shared by all language groups. Pronounced "boot" but shorter, as in "foot", it can be applied to a brother or any person of the male sex. For instance a father can call his son "boet" and friends can apply the term to each other too. Sometimes the diminutive "boetie" is used. But don't use it on someone you hardly know - it will be thought patronizing and could lead to you getting a "lekker klap".

Pasop
From the Afrikaans phrase meaning "Watch Out!", this warning is used and heeded by all language groups. As in: "The boss hasn't had his coffee yet - so you better pasop boet" Sometimes just the word "pasop!" is enough without further explanation. Everyone knows it sets out a line in the sand not to be crossed.

Skop, Skiet en donner
Literally "kick, shoot and thunder", this phrase is used by many South African speakers to describe action movies. A Clint Eastwood movie is always a good choice if you're in the mood for of a lekker skop, skiet en donner flick.

Vrot
Pronounced - "frot". A expressive word which means "rotten" or "putrid" in Afrikaans, it is used by all language groups to describe anything they really dislike. Most commonly intended to describe fruit or vegetables whose shelf lives have long expired, but a pair of old tackies (sneakers) worn a few years too long can be termed "vrot" by some unfortunate folk which find themselves in the same vicinity as the wearer. Also a rugby player who misses important kicks or tackles can be said to have played a vrot game - opposite to a "lekker" game (but not to his face). A movie was once reviewed with this headline: "Slick Flick, Vrot Plot."

Rock up
To rock up is to just, sort of arrive (called "gate crash" in other parts of the world). You don't make an appointment or tell anyone you are coming - you just rock up. Friends can do that but you have to be selective about it. For example, you can't just rock up for a job interview.

Scale
To scale something is to steal it. A person who is "scaly" has a doubtful character, is possibly a scumbag, and should rather be left off the invitation list to your next braai.

Ja-nee
"Yes No" in English. Politics in South Africa has always been associated with family arguments and in some cases even with physical fights. It is believed that this expression originated with a family member who didn't want to get a klap or get donnerred, so he just every now and then muttered "ja-nee". Use it when you are required to respond, but would rather not choose to agree or disagree.

Natalie Portman of the day

2005-10-26T17:34:00.000+02:00

Wouldn't you want to see this every time you got home from work?

I can't wait! :)

Neglect

2005-10-26T11:22:00.000+02:00

AM and I would like to officially apologise for negelecting UYH, and in turn, our loyal fans. We feel awful. Terrible in fact.

We oath to try spend our time more wisely. Work? Who needs it. Blogging pays the bills! We wish. But you get the idea. And travelling the world doesn't help much either. A big congrats and good luck to AM on getting an awesome new job, with even more travelling. Rock on homeboy!

Bikini of the day

2005-10-16T18:25:00.000+02:00

Google image search

2005-10-13T19:58:00.000+02:00

About a year ago I read a post (can't remember where) from a guy who got hundreds of people searching for peculiar, and sometimes not-so-peculiar words on Google image search, and getting back the most bizarre pics they got on the first page of their search.

So I can't take credit for this, but give it a bash, I've tried plenty, and this one is definitely my best:

Searched word: Understanding
Image:

The title is "A scientific approach to understanding my girlfriends role in the overall degradation of my lifes quality."

Funny shit.

Redneck Lurv Poem

2005-10-11T15:45:00.000+02:00

Susie Lee donefell in love,
she planned to marry Joe
she was so happy 'bout it all
She told her Pappy so.

Pappy told her, Susie gal,
you'l have ta find another.
I'd just as soon yo' Ma don't know,
but Joe is yo' half brother.

So Susie put aside her Joe
and planned to marry Will,
but after tellin' Pappy this,
He said, There's trouble still!

You can't marry Will, my gal,
and please don't tell yer mother,
but Will and Joe, and several mo'
I know is yo' half brother.

But Mama knew and said, my child,
just do what makes you happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe,
you ain't no kin to Pappy.

What the fuck do you know you self-righteous cunt

2005-10-10T08:30:00.000+02:00

I love people who feel it's their job, or right, to scrutinize your decisions, your life, and hold discussions with other people to try fix it, their way.

I love people who tell you that you're 'taking the easy way out', when it's clear that they are, in fact, doing so.

I love people who think that their opinion is the only thing that's right in this world.

I love people who tell you how to live your life.

I love people who, after hearing what happened, still try to convince you, even though you were there, that their version of the story is the correct one.

I love people who get emotional when they drink, and think that slurring four words into one, when trying to talk to you, is a good way of making someone 'really listen'.

Now hear this, you ugly drunken fuck: Never, and I mean never, try tell me what I'm doing wrong in your eyes. If I gave a fucking rat's arse what you thought, I'd ask for your fucking opinion. I don't recall doing so in this case, so fuck off.

I'd love people more if they fell off this earth and left me alone.

Natalie Portman of the day

2005-10-02T15:34:00.000+02:00

Lovely.

Bikini of the day

2005-10-02T13:24:00.000+02:00

Gotta Love the Japanese

2005-09-30T13:14:00.000+02:00

You might be thinking see through skirts?
Well you are wrong, these skirts are designed this way with images
of ASS on the the skirt? what for? I dunno, but thats why i love
the Japanese

i 'CWLOL'

2005-09-29T09:38:00.000+02:00

I CWLOL when i saw this! (Cried With Laughter Out Loud)!

Ok, so im not that good at making up Acronyms,but this is some funny Shit.
Ha Ha, Enjoy and happy Thursday.

Ironic ? ? ?

2005-09-27T09:13:00.000+02:00

I hate using things off other peoples blogs,
But look what i found on GorillaMask , HA HA, Well Spotted.
Quite ironic that Kotex uses a 'Tulip' on there Packaging.

It's official!

2005-09-26T14:50:00.000+02:00

Roximoon has to post a picture of her in her teeny weeny pink teardrop bikini.

Here's what the polls looked like at the end of day Sunday (which was the cut-off date for all votes).

Poll on UYH:

Poll on Taste of Roxi:

Sure, she got more votes in total, but all for the good of mankind.

Roximoon, your adoring fans await your image. Thanks for playing!

We've taken it down from the site, but to verify the details, click here and here!

What's your cyborg name?

2005-09-23T07:50:00.000+02:00

I swear that's the first and last geek thing I'll be posting!

I'm in heaven

2005-09-23T06:58:00.000+02:00

Bikini contest.

Yum.

Happy Birthday Bastard

2005-09-22T08:20:00.000+02:00

Happy Birthday to you,
I just had a poo,
Happy Birthday Attacking Midfielder,
Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday mate! May you have good and plentiful sex for the rest of your life!

OUCH!!!

2005-09-21T15:19:00.000+02:00

Farmer 'breaks' penis

Farmer Gheorghe Popa, 52, from Galati, had been moving the grain sacks to the barn when he stopped to watch his 25-year-old wife Loredana hang up the washing.

He got himself over excited and dropped the sack on his erect penis, snapping vital tendons and ligaments.

Read the Story Here

Grumpy ol' me

2005-09-21T15:18:00.000+02:00

Two very late nights, working, sleep at a minimum, not having fun, has turned normally-chirpy-and-full-of-fun me, into a grumpy sod. I hate clients who change shit at the last minute.

No wait, I really really hate clients who change shit at the last minute.

Grr.

Funny / Clever

2005-09-21T12:52:00.000+02:00

Have no idea if this is old, but its Funny non the less.

Another quiz link from Laurian

2005-09-20T13:00:00.000+02:00

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Greasy Astrologer.

Where You Lived: Greece.

How You Died: Hung for treason.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

Greasy? Me? Only on the weekend!

Ninja Shoe.

2005-09-20T12:49:00.000+02:00

I know its a CamelToe, but i think it should be called a Ninja Shoe. Anyway check it out!

Natalie Portman of the day

2005-09-20T12:28:00.000+02:00

Perfection.

Does Timmy want McDonalds?!?

2005-09-19T12:43:00.000+02:00

You tell me.

Is your girlfriend hot?

2005-09-18T21:43:00.000+02:00

That has to be the stupidest thing I've ever been asked in my life. This is what some rocket scientist asked me last night when I happened to mention something about seeing a girl later.

Is my girlfriend hot?

"No, she's not. She's a dog. We're not physical because she's crippled and a leper, and the conversation isn't good because she had her mouth sewn shut my the Nazi's and now she refuses to talk to anyone, at all. She also likes to rub rotten tomatoes all over her body whenever someone says the phrase "How about that?", just because she can. Oh, and sometimes, just sometimes, she rubs her face wih a cheese grater to feel better about her 'situation'.

Is my girlfriend hot? Fuck off. Who's isn't?

Chicks kissing

2005-09-18T16:43:00.000+02:00

Does it get any better than this? Not likely.

Well, maybe a certain pink teardrop bikini!

Roximoon and her pink teardrop bikini

2005-09-17T14:43:00.000+02:00

In the comments of a previous "Bikini of the day" post, Roximoon said, and I quote:

Ohhh.. I have one of those!! But.. its pink.. Sorry.. I knew you were all excited about the white one.. but mine is pink..

Roxi

So now we've got a voting poll up, on the right, for people to vote to see if we're gonna get a pic or not.

Please be nice. Ta.

Bikini of the day

2005-09-17T08:22:00.000+02:00

The little sister

2005-09-16T08:14:00.000+02:00

I had this girlfriend once who was super hot. The thing is, her sister was slightly younger, but even hotter. I'd spend a lot more time with the sister when I was over visiting, we had more fun together because it wasn't like awkward when you said hurtful but playful things to each other, it was more fun.

For weeks I'd contemplate the possibilities of leaving my girlfriend and going for the sister, but the folks loved me, and doing that to the their eldest would've totally ruined my chances. So I decided to leave it for a while. If we broke up, then I'd give it a year or so before I set my sights on the fresh meat, I mean, younger pretty woman.

So we broke up for about 6 months, then saw each other at a club and hooked up again. My rule, stupid me, is still applying. We've been broken up, for the second time, for 7 months. I still keep in contact with the younger one, and can't wait 'til these next five months are over.

I'm counting the seconds.

Inventor turns dead cats into diesel

2005-09-15T14:20:00.000+02:00

WTF???

Koch said the cadaver of a fully grown cat can produce 2.5 litres of fuel - meaning around 20 cats are needed for a full tank.

He said the resulting "high quality bio-diesel" costs just 15 pence per litre.

Must be the strangest story I have heard this year, Dunno whether to be impressed or freaked out? Gives new Meaning to the word "Petrol"

Story on Ananova

Google Blog Search

2005-09-15T09:12:00.000+02:00

Google does it again with this neat little search engine:

San Francisco - A new Google speciality search engine sifts through the internet's millions of frequently updated personal journals, a long-anticipated development expected to help propel blogging into the cultural mainstream.

The new tool, unveiled on Wednesday at blogsearch.google.com, focuses exclusively on the material contained in the journals known as web logs, or blogs.

Once again, a Big 'Big-Up' to Google! Making our blogs more accessible.

Read the article here

Try it blogsearch.google.com

Can you say, " A-A-A-A-A-ASS "

2005-09-14T10:16:00.000+02:00

You gotta be Shitting me!!!
And She is a COP! Who the hell is She gonna stop from getting way?!
Hell, I'd be surprised if it took her less than 3 minutes just to get out of
her Patrol car. Ha Ha.
I think she is patrolling near a 'Dunkin' AND A 'McDonalds'.
"Can please have some extra fries with those fries"

Bikini of the day

2005-09-14T10:08:00.000+02:00

This bad boy is called a teardrop bikini.

:: sniff ::

Brings tears to my eyes.

Aaaah

2005-09-13T08:26:00.000+02:00

Nothing like a hard hour's workout to start the day off right.

You know it's gonna be a good day.

The test

2005-09-12T02:07:00.000+02:00

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

First time I did the test, answering 18 questions, I was Mr Smith goes to Washington, then I re-tested, using all the questions this time, and got this one.

I prefer this one.

Link from Cass.

WE'RE BACK!!!

2005-09-11T18:27:00.000+02:00

Bikini of the day

777

2005-09-11T13:19:00.000+02:00

So was asked/tricked (you decide) by Laurian to do this question answer thing. So here goes:

7 things I plan to do before I die
1) Have a kid
2) Travel through upper Africa
3) Marry Natalie Portman
4) Be financially free
5) Be the best at what I do, in the world
6) Sky-dive off the Eiffel Tower
7) Marry Natalie Portman

7 things I can do
1) Crit movies, well
2) Make people laugh (thanks Laurian)
3) Sing
4) Flirt
5) Sound like I know what I'm talking about when it comes to technology
6) Do any handyman job that needs doing around the house (handyman job, not renovating!)
7) Love Natalie Portman

7 things I cannot do
1) Talk to people with food on their faces
2) Eat raisins or prunes
3) Handstand
4) Cartwheel
5) Ask for directions
6) Hate Natalie Portman
7) Drive with no music

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex
1) Breasts
2) Bums
3) Lips
4) Eyes
5) Neck
6) Legs
7) If she looks like Natalie Portman

7 things I say most often
1) Bro
2) Bizarre
3) Sure
4) No way
5) Yes, I'm available
6) Dude
7) Good night, Natalie

7 celebrity crushes
1) Natalie Portman
2) Jessica Simpson
3) Natalie Portman
4) That chick from Wedding Crashers (she's normally blonde) Rachel, maybe.
5) Natalie Portman
6) Madonna
7) Natalie Portman

7 people who need to do this
1) The Mad Hatter
2) Roximoon
3) Avik
4) Blake
5) Cass
6) *natalia*
7) mojoala

There, I've bared my soul! Happy now?!?

Gotta Love Sky News

2005-09-09T09:38:00.000+02:00

I had a Good chuckle at this!
He He

A Winning Formula

2005-09-09T08:33:00.000+02:00

I'm normally not one to reveal my trade secrets, but seeing as I've used this for the past few weeks, I think it's time for me to share it with the world, while I pursue to master new ideas.

"The secret?" you ask. Yes, the secret of getting your partner to climax, perhaps more than once, in under ten minutes.

Some people might think I'm crazy. "Only ten minutes?" you would ask, "that's too short. I want it to last longer than that." With my formula, it feels like a lifetime.

Here's how it goes:

Get your music player of choice into the room, make sure it's loud. By loud I mean really loud, I'll explain why later. Now, make sure you have 'Angel' by Sarah McLachlan and 'Run' by Snow Patrol written on a disc, or in a separate playlist in your iTunes, WinAmp, whatever.

Get that ready. Shit. Get it ready a week before you know you're getting any action, 'cos when it happens you don't want to be fart-arse-ing around trying to 'set the mood', it should be set in advance.

Now, when you and your partner decide it's time for action, start the foreplay. Let it go on until you're both very naked and very aroused. Then press play. 'Angel' is a great track for slow, sensual foreplay. Everyone knows it, so you know where the highs and lows are, and it's familiar so it makes foreplay a lot easier.

The best music player would be a laptop, because you can fade tracks between each other rather than waiting for a track to start after the previous one finished, but if a CD player is all you have, don't worry, it'll still work.

Now, when 'Run' starts, that's when you go for gold. Foreplay stops, and you spring into action. Make sure you know the song.

Learn it.
Dream it.
Live it.

Because when it starts, you want to know every high, every low, every change of pace, because that's how you are going to perform. You're going to perform like the band is inside of you, and you're orchestrating every word, every note, every little drumbeat.

The funny thing is, your partner will actually feel that way. You will be the master of the music, as well as the master of the bedroom. And it's not just for guys, the ladies can do it too. As long as you're in control, it'll be a night never forgotten.

And I repeat, make it loud, extra loud, because your moans, screams and bursts of elation will be louder (because you're not worried about anyone hearing).

By the end of the most powerful ten minutes of your life, I can guarantee a huge orgasm, and a shared cigarette.

7 women. 7 exact same results.

Go forth and try it, please. And let me know if it works for you. I'm off to find the next big thing, I love the weekend.

One thousand baby!

2005-09-08T16:27:00.000+02:00

Ok, one thousand and seven. I missed the big turnover. Now, I could've edited it to make me look cool, but then people might've thought that I sat and refreshed the page over and over again until 1000 clocked over. But not me.

Homey don't play dat game.

Thank you to everyone who visits regularly, and to the new visitors as well. We enjoy all of your blogs, hope you enjoy ours too.

All our love hugs and kisses,

jimmer and Attacking Midfielder

International Marriage Symbol Approved

2005-09-06T09:01:00.000+02:00

He he, someone emailed this to me the other day, and I had a good chuckle...
But then it got me thinking...

Today I 'celebrate' my new girlfriend and I's one month!!!Wow I know!!! (long time ey) but to tell you the truth, I’m just using it as an excuse to spoil her and make her feel special. Also by showing her I remember the 'important' dates. (100 Bonus points for me)

But then I started thinking, how long is it gonna be before the novelty of 'ME' wears off? The excitement of a new relationship fades away? And things like what job I have, how much money I earn, what car I drive, how many shopping sprees I can sponsor, will come into play?!! Or am I just being cynical? Have I just been badly burnt before? Or am I just plain right? Are all woman the devil? Can a woman ever really be truly happy?

Look I’m not at all trying to diss woman or anything, please do not take offence. And would appreciate some feedback from both guys and girls perspectives.

But having said all of that, whether things work out like that or not, I’m still gonna enjoy it and have fun along the way!

Word veri'fu-u-u-uck'ation

2005-09-06T07:53:00.001+02:00

I've been having some serious issues with Blogger's new 'word verifuckation'.

I type my comment, type in the stupid letters, publish, then...

it reloads with a new image telling me I fucked up, and need to type it out again.

I fucked up? No no my friend, you fucked up.

I typed it correctly, letter for stupid-fucked-up-letter, and you tell me I fucked up.

If people are having trouble with comment spam, why not move to Haloscan? It's quick, easy, and a helluva lot easier than typing in stupid stupid stupid letters every time you comment.

Word verifuckation, please die!

Natalie Portman of the day

2005-09-05T02:15:00.000+02:00

She's just incredible isn't she?

Toilet spray

2005-09-03T07:46:00.000+02:00

Sticking with the 'toilet humor' from below, I've been trying to find the perfect toilet spray.

And in 'perfect', I mean,

the toilet spray that erases any trace of shit-smell.

I'm convinced it doesn't exist. No matter how hard you try, how wide you open the window, how vigorously you wave the door back and forth or how much you spray, the smell lingers on like that one pimple on your forehead on photo day when you were in school.

I try. God knows I try. But to no avail. And I'm a guy, so ma' shi't sta'nk!

Why does the smell of shit overpower any smell on this earth? Why would we be created to excrete such a foul-smelling demon? Are we being punished? Or is God laughing at us up in the clouds? Why? Why?

Is there any miracle spray out there that erases any trace of the dreaded shit-smell?

Friday Funny

2005-09-02T13:06:00.000+02:00

Ha ha ha.
Happy Friday and have a good weekend everyone.

Bikini of the day

2005-09-02T10:23:00.000+02:00

Ok, so it's not a reaal bikini, but it's still hot.

Breaking up is hard

2005-09-01T16:33:00.000+02:00

Sometimes it becomes difficult to just "let go" of old relationships. As an example, read on about this guy who writes to his old beloved. It will bring tears to your eyes.

Dear Terri:

I know the counsellor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact.

In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says... "There's no one like you, Terri."

I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at the Rainbow Room and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation.

She was young, Terri, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just perfect body. Tits you wouldn't believe and an ass like a tortoise shell. Every man's dream, right?

But as I sat on the couch being blown by this coed, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so surface. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes.

But you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person?
Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Terri?
I doubt it.
And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little.

Later, after I'd tossed her about a quart of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some niggling feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, Terri, to watch.

Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you, baby. Jesus, Terri, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, that single mum we met at Mt. Sinai Baptist Church? Well, she drops by last week with a pan of lasagne. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story.

Anyway, we have a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we're fucking in our old bedroom. And this broad's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she's not hung up about God and her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad too. 'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Terri ever put the mirror on the floor?

We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex aid." (Some of this I thought about later.)

You know what I mean? What happened to our spontaneity? You get so caught up in the routine of a marriage and you just lose sight of each other. And then you lose yourself. That's the saddest part of all for me.

But I keep thinking we can get it back. I know we can, because I only want this stuff with you. Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Shannon's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders. She's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in general. (She's pulling for us to get back together, Terri. She really is.)

So we're drinking in the hot tub and talking about happier times. Here's this hot girl with the same DNA as you (although, let's face it, she got an extra helping of the sexy gene) and all I can do is think of how much she looks like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry.

And then it turns out Shannon's really into the whole anal thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside the steaming hot Dutch oven of your sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, baby. In your heart you know it.

Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can. I keep thinking that I think if you'd just try it, I wouldn't have to pressure you so much. Because who needs all that bitterness, Terri? It just tears us apart. And I can't be apart from you.

Because I love you, God help me but I do.

Beautiful.

The sounds of silence

2005-08-31T09:54:00.000+02:00

Top arb news of late:

Art Garfunkel bust for marijuana, again!

Michelle Pfeiffer's car was stolen in London while filming.

Japanese doctor punches patient during surgery.

Wizard of Oz ruby slippers stolen.

Charlize Theron, (Laurian will enjoy this,) to guest star in Fox's Arrested Development.

London firefighter wins World Bog Snorkelling Championships.

Click pics for links.

What happened to "Hi, I'm jimmmer"?

2005-08-27T08:51:00.000+02:00

Pick up lines. What a joke.

Porkchop posted this beaut used on her. I say terrible! Do girls actually go for lines like that? I've only ever used a pick up line once, because I was really really drunk, and it didn't work. The line?

You see my friend over there? He wants to know if you think I'm cute.

She giggled, then stared at me. I turned and walked away.

Natalie Portman for the day

2005-08-26T09:02:00.000+02:00

Isn't she just fantastic?

:: sigh ::

A Chinese proverb for clients

2005-08-25T06:34:00.000+02:00

"The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it."

History repeated

2005-08-24T10:34:00.000+02:00

1981
Prince Charles got married
Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe
Pope died

2005
Prince Charles got married
Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe
Pope died

I bet the new Pope is dreading ol' Charlie's next fling!

Can you smell that, dear?

2005-08-22T03:59:00.000+02:00

An old geezer in Germany left his wife to rot in the TV lounge,

"...the two had spent their happiest times together in front of the TV set and he could not bear to part with her."

Anybody else hear that Twilight Zone music playing in the background?

Laugh for the day

2005-08-19T10:50:00.000+02:00

Natalie Portman for the day

2005-08-18T12:49:00.000+02:00

A predicament

2005-08-16T14:07:00.000+02:00

Laurian at Peas on toast is in a bit of a pickle. She says that if she left her job now (after a 3 month probation period) and went to another, that it would look bad on her resume. I have to disagree.

Long gone are the days of getting a job and keeping it until you retire. What companies are looking for nowadays are people with experience. Experience. Let's look at the word:

Experience
Active participation in events or activities, leading to the accumulation of knowledge or skill

Ok. So an accumulation of knowledge or skill.

Look at a guy who's had the same job for twenty years, and a guy who's had twenty jobs in twenty years. Who has more experience? The second guy. I'd say he has twenty times more experience! Why? Because the first guy, you could say, has had one year of experience, twenty times over!

Do you see where I'm getting at? So Laurian, spread your wings and fly, because the more people you meet, and the more ways-of-doing-things you're exposed to, the better your chances are to make something great, or greater, of yourself.

Multiple choice

2005-08-15T07:30:00.000+02:00

It's Saturday night and I'm sitting at a club, probably on my fifth beer. This absolute hottie in a mini skirt (with stems that went for miles) sits across from me, and without a word shows me she has no underwear on. She then motions with her head for me to follow her to the bathroom.

Did I:

a) Consider this an insult because I am a gentleman and ignore her offer?
b) Start following her, then chicken out just as she rounded the corner?
c) Have my eyes mesmerised by those beautifully tanned legs, follow her to the bathroom and get absolutely hammered for the first time in the ladies bathrooms?

The Official Interview Game

2005-08-12T14:03:00.000+02:00

So I jumped on the bandwagon and asked pinksandroses to interview me. This is what she sent:

The Official Interview Game Rules:
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying interview me.
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Here are your five questions:
1) Which is worse?
The guy next to you on a plane snoring
The baby next to you on a plane crying

2) What is one thing that you wish you could tell your boss but can't?

3) NYNC or Backstreet Boys

4) If you could get rid of the celebrities who would they be?

5) Please attribute a category to each of the following: Shag, Marry, or Throw off a cliff- Hillary Duff, Lindsey Lohan, Mary-Kate Olsen
-haha sorry I was reading an article about teen idols

My answers:

1. Worse: The guy sitting next to me on the plane snoring.

2. I'm my own boss, but I'd tell most of clients that they hire me because I'm a professional at what I do, and if they could do what I do then they'd do it themselves! Damnit!

3. I'm guessing it was supposed to be 'NSYNC', and that would be my answer.
:: runs to bathroom to vomit, can't believe what he just typed ::

4. I'd get rid of Nick Nolte, 'Janice' from Friends and Clint Eastwood.

5. What a toughie! Shag: Lindsey Lohan, Marry: Hillary Duff, Throw off the highest cliff in the world: Mary-Kate Olsen

Mercedes has a new image

2005-08-11T11:36:00.000+02:00

Pic stolen from Squishi

Bikini of the day

2005-08-10T08:57:00.000+02:00

Years of experience have taught me one thing: The journey can be much more fun than the destination.

Which is why I've posted these two 'tease' pics. A naked bum would just be a naked bum, but half, nay, a quarter of a bum leaves you guessing and aching to know what the rest looks like.

Yay for extremely sexy bums.

Bloggers

2005-08-08T12:19:00.000+02:00

During our time spent starting Upside Your Head and perusing all sorts of blogs, I've come to realise that there are three different types of bloggers:

1. The Office Blogger
This blogger doesn't work too much, and leeches off the company bandwidth for his/her personal blogging pleasure. Posts are random, and commenting on his/her own blog, as well as other blogs is an all-day occurrence.

2. The Home Blogger
Late at night, when the family have closed their eyes and gone to bed, the Home Blogger boots up his/her home machine, browses through all his/her favourite blogs, commenting where applicable, and then posts on his/her own blog, eagerly awaiting any comments they might find the following evening.

3. The Anytime Blogger
This is the greatest of all bloggers. He/she posts whenever necessary. Work time, play time, evening time, and all his/her posts have a special meaning to them. Commenting on his/her own blog is random, commenting on other blogs is more important. This blogger should be praised for doing what they love, whenever they like.

Which kind of blogger are you?

NOW i want a camera!

2005-08-05T13:46:00.000+02:00

I think im taking up Photography tomorrow.

After all the shit in London

2005-08-05T08:37:00.000+02:00

The queen's fighting back!

NOW I want a monkey!

2005-08-04T14:56:00.000+02:00

Beer goggles - kaleidoscope style

2005-08-04T14:49:00.000+02:00

Yummy! Nothing like tie-dye/kaleidoscope to mess with your beer goggles! Mmmmm

Natalie Portman

2005-08-04T08:45:00.000+02:00

...in a bikini. Can you get any better than that?

Wait, yes you can.

Bikini of the day

2005-08-02T14:01:00.000+02:00

What a fine use of cloth this is. Stumbled across this fine specimen earlier today, and I just couldn't stop.

I then found this one (which I must say is also good work, considering how little cloth they had to work with)

Then I found this one, and this one, just cos I had some time on my hands.

Water

2005-08-01T12:08:00.000+02:00

Such a simple thing, really.

Clean, clear, pure.

But not when used in a way not right for said glass of water, mother nature's juice for the living.

This glass of goodness, a natural thing, was the instigator of another natural thing, getting this man shagged like never before. This is the story:

I was at a club on the weekend, standing at the bar, minding my own business, when this belter of a bird standing next to me asks the barman for a glass of water. He ignores her, because he's an arrogant prick, and asks me what I'd like. "A beer," I said, "and a glass." When the two items arrived I grabbed a jug of water on the bar counter, poured the princess a glass of water, and got nailed an hour later in what I gathered was her mate's car.

Water. Such a simple thing, really.

Rob Dobi

2005-07-29T11:34:00.000+02:00

For those of you that haven't heard of this guy, he rocks. He illustrates for clothing labels, bands (AFI, Motion City Sountrack, Coheed and Cambria, Thursday, The Used, just to name a few), does photography, the works!

Go check it out for yourself here.

VW drivers wanted

2005-07-29T11:04:00.000+02:00

Just got this emailed to me. Funny shit!

And before the ladies get all offended, it's not porn, it's all covered up!

Next blog is great!

2005-07-28T13:33:00.000+02:00

The next blog button is a winner. Everything about it is amazing. Not.

Every other site it goes to is a spam-blog, foreign blog or some other rubbish. Not once have I found a nice site. My finds, in order:

Spam, Gothic, Foreign, Spam, Spam, Foreign, Bizarre cursor usage, New, and crazy, Too cutesy, Spam, More cutesy.

The list goes on.

And the award for most arbitrary post goes to...

Extreme case of the 'Beer Goggles'

2005-07-28T10:14:00.000+02:00

Ok look, we've all consumed way too much 'Jesus Juice' at some point in our lives, when standards drop (dramatically), your judgement gets clouded and your eyes deceive you - A.K.A 'Beer Goggles' - But holy crap, I aint ever pulled Godzilla before!

She will swollow him whole! He cant even get his arms around her! Her feet are bigger than his (with his shoes on)

Alcohol makes us do Crazy Shit - and thats well established -, and hey, I'm a prime example. But I hope the day will never come when something like this happens to me, with photos to prove it and the internet to spread it. Edmund, may you not remember that nite and deny it till the Grave.

jimmmer: profound

2005-07-28T08:53:00.000+02:00

A post without an image, is like sex without an orgasm.

It may be fun while you're doing it, but the end result isn't what you bargained for!

400 pounds of pure personality!

2005-07-27T22:19:00.000+02:00

Either this guy has:

a) One hell of a personality.

b) A massive pecker.

c) One very large and healthy bank account!

Dunno about you folk, but i (and call it a hunch) am putting my money on C. She might be one of the perks of being a millionaire, but can his chin touch his chest?